Monday, June 14, 2010
This isn’t a blog post about wine, because in Myrtle Beach there are two kinds, red and white. It is difficult to find vino made from muscadine grapes and that crap is produced locally! No my good readers, this blog post is about food and beer. With the hundreds of not-so fine eateries on the Grand Strand I had to focus my effort. The natural inclination would be to go for seafood. However, the seafood restaurants are nothing but Calabash (deep fried everything) buffets and chain restaurants such as Joe's Crab Shack and Red Dumpster. I was determined to try some for the sake of journalistic integrity. So I summoned the courage to enter into one location (see picture with lobster fornicating with a mini-van) and after being greeted by the saddest looking pirate and a woman who was in shorts about 3 sizes too small, I took a look at the unholy offering before me (only $17.99 – a bargain in Myrtle), and did what any self-respecting human would do, turned around and walked out the door.
This experience left me with one other option to write about, German food! I had discovered on the internet that there existed two German restaurants in the Myrtle Beach area. Both claimed to be authentic but had completely different styles and atmospheres. The two contenders are Horst Gasthaus located in the suburban friendly North Myrtle Beach and Bodo’s German Restaurant and Pub, located in the heart of the Beirut-esque downtown of Myrtle Beach. Each restaurant has a distinctive nature that mirrors Germany of different eras. One is Sgt. Schultz from Hogan’s Heroes and the other is Dieter from Sprockets. Who will emerge victorious as the Kaiser of Myrtle Beach?
After having a delightful experience at Horst, I set my sites on Bodo’s German Restaurant and Pub. I have to say I didn’t know what to expect, reviews of the place were mixed and without a website to visit, all I could gather was that it was “eclectic.” So as we made our way through downtown
Beirut Myrtle Beach, we had no idea what was waiting for us on the other side. As we entered the restaurant, we were first greeted to a unique smell of mold, cigarette smoke, and broken dreams. Apparently “eclectic” in Myrtle Beach means crap collected from the past 30 years stapled up on the wall. Everything from beer posters, bowling trophies, and a bust of Jesus, was used to decorate the restaurant. I knew we were in for trouble when I was seated next to a memorial poster of Princess Diana. Looking back on it, it seemed as if she was trying to warn us from beyond the grave not to eat the food, just like she used to warn children not to play with landmines. While I am at fault for ignoring this warning, I do have to say the picture of Jan-Michael Vincent (star of TV’s Airwolf) caught my attention and 80’s nostalgia filled my heart until the food arrived. I ordered the sausage sampler with family sauerkraut recipe, German potato salad, and red cabbage. I can’t begin to tell you fine folks how disappointing the food was. The sausages were clearly from Johnsonville and Jimmy Dean, the family recipe for the sauerkraut tasted like it came from a can, the same goes for the cabbage, dull and flavorless. To make matters worse, the selection of German beers was thin (St. Pauli Girl doesn’t count because it is made for export) and the Franziskaner Hefe (a solid and dependable beer) was served slightly below room temperature, yuck!
There you have it folks, if you’re in the Myrtle Beach area (which I do not recommend), save yourself from fornicating lobsters and Sprockets America….enjoy the good ole fashion German food and accordion music at Horst Gasthaus. Sgt. Schultz would be proud!